(I wrote this about 2 years ago)
John 12:3- "Mary came in with a jar of very expensive aromatic oils, annointed and massaged Jesus' feet, and then wiped them with her hair. The fragrance of oils filled the house." (TMB)
Mary at Bethany: a Bible story that has always fascinated me. It's a poetic scene of love, vulnerability and brokenness that seems to immediately draw-in it's readers. If you're like me you gaze-off, repeating the scenario in your mind, picturing yourself in her place of intimacy and true worship: A woman so in love with Jesus, she did the unconventional- the unthinkable. She loved on Jesus with all she was: physically, mentally and spiritually- not giving a thought to the criticisms that were sure to follow. She gave her best. She laid down all she was. And in that place of prophetic brokenness, God's heart was stirred. The smell of that aromatic, fine, perfumed oil filled the house. And all those around
did take note. And when some of those people indeed criticized Mary's actions, Jesus quickly came to her defense, declaring, "Leave her alone...Why are you bothering her? She has done a beautiful thing to me." (Mk. 14;6)
A little over a year ago, I found myself in a desperate, dark place. My marriage was failing miserably. My children were rebelling. Even worse- I had lost myself- the very essence of who I was. I had heard stories in the news about women who had abandoned their families, traveled to an obscure city where no one would know them. They started new lives. I'd always balked in disbelief at how any woman could possibly leave-behind the children she'd borne, acting as if they and her other loved ones had never existed. But- I tell you- that's exactly where I found myself. There were no affairs- no secret lovers- no other pulls... just the suffocating feeling of being backed against a wall with no other sensible means of escape.
That may be how Mary felt when Jesus arrived AFTER her brother had already died. She may have understandably believed there was no way out: No way to relieve the despair: No way to bring Lazarus back. Can you hear her say, "Master, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died." (John 11:32) Can you see her then collapse in a heap at the Lord's feet,
sobbing? Now, are you able to picture Jesus- moved by righteous anger and sweet compassion- Himself weeping? It was after that scene of utter brokenness that our King does a miracle. He does what no one, including Mary, imagines is possible. He raises Lazarus from the dead.
And this is what I felt Him do for me. At that point in my life when I felt total and complete despair, I too emotionally and spiritually collapsed at the feet of my Lord, crying-out, "If only...." It was a position of total surrender. I still remember the night. I wept and wept and- I felt Him weep with me. I felt Him tear away everything that was not the ME He'd created: all the labels; all the masks; all the manipulations- gone. After laying down all that wasn't me, I was able to now surrender- in worship- the very best of me, the true me. I was able to pour out what was most precious to me:
my dreams, my rights, my talents, my control. I felt like Mary at the feet of Jesus just before Passover. I was breaking my alabaster bottle- me- at the feet of Jesus. And like Mary, this time I was completely broken out of a different desperation- love.
A few months ago I was again grappling with the realization that my family needed a miracle. I could feel myself being drawn into the black hole. This time instead of following the pull, I fell at my lover's feet. I searched His Word. He brought me to this beautiful story of Mary yet again. I felt Him encourage me with this insight: When Mary broke that bottle in complete devotion, the smells of the oils permeated the atmosphere. And as the scents drifted through the whole house, it was a testimony to those around her. It's such a testimony that thousands of years later we are still talking about it and learning from it.
I believe my Beloved was telling me that when I live in a state of true brokenness with Him, the sweet smell reaches His nostrils. He is moved with the beauty of my love and worship. It stirs His heart to action. Lives around me take note and miractles happen. And, my friend, it's not any different for you.
(All Rights Reserved)
Thursday, August 4, 2011
It's a 'Sheep' Thing
(I wrote this about a year and a half ago)
Have you ever pondered why God refers to us- His people- as 'sheep'? Over and over again throughout the Bible lie verses analogizing us to those cute, little wooly creatures. And- If you're like me, you've heard one too many sermons on why there are so many of those verses. Many of those lessons focusing on the fact that we- like our smaller counterparts- are ignorant even downright stupid, in desperate need of someone to lead us. And though I agree we are in desperate need of a kind and
loving Savior to save and guide us.... I think there's more to the story- much more.
The other day as I was preparing dinner, I caught a glimpse of a children's program one of my sons was watching. It was through that show that God began to stir my heart about this whole 'sheep' thing. On the show, a group of children were learning how to herd sheep. The modern-day shepherd was teaching the kids how to approach. The kids had been running toward the animals in an effort to corral them. He explained that sheep are hunted prey and that their natural instinct is to run from anything coming at them. He showed the group that a good shepherd always approaches from behind. He also began to teach the boys and girls about what the candy-cane shaped staff is used for. He explained that
the staff is not for hitting the sheep when they aren't cooperating. He said a shepherd would never do that to his herd. He explained that the staff is used as a pointer- to gently show the sheep the direction in which He is going so they can follow. He added that a shepherd does not raise his voice as that would also cause instinct to creep-in.
So my brain and my spirit began to go into high-gear. Here's the main analogy I saw unfolding before my very eyes: God compares us to sheep so many times because of His love. Our lover again is making it clear that He is there watching over us, leading and guiding us not because we're stupid but because He loves us. And He wants to protect us. As Christians we are hunted prey. The Book of Ephesians makes it clear that we are in a war not of this earthly realm. It's also our natural, self-preserving, sometimes fleshly response that prompts us too to run from potential spiritual harm. That's when our Lover and Lord gently comes behind us and in a soft but reassuring voice reminds us of where He's going and where we should also go to find rest, nourishment and safety. And when we veer off the beaten path, getting a bit too close to crossing the dangerous line of sinful living- He again slips behind us. And when He lifts up His staff, we don't have to cower down in fear, believing He's going to give us that lashing we clearly deserve. Rather, we can run toward our fellow lambs who are scurrying in the right direction.
It was several years ago when I found myself alone, in a heap on the floor, locked in my bedroom bathroom. I was crying out to God in desperation, asking Him to please see me, please hear me, please help me. It was that very minute that my Loving Shepherd pointed me in the direction of this beautiful Scripture verse: "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, 'This is the way; walk in it." (Is. 30:21) It's also the moment I felt Him steer me from behind to safety with this verse from Isaiah: "He tends His flock like a Shepherd: He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart..." (40:11a)
No matter where you are, you ARE close to His heart and He longs to lead you to rest, nourishment and safety. And Unlike what many of us have been repeatedly told- maybe we're not compared to sheep in the Bible primarily because of stupidity. Maybe- just maybe- it's because of Jesus' whole life mission and purpose- LOVE.
(All rights reserved)
Have you ever pondered why God refers to us- His people- as 'sheep'? Over and over again throughout the Bible lie verses analogizing us to those cute, little wooly creatures. And- If you're like me, you've heard one too many sermons on why there are so many of those verses. Many of those lessons focusing on the fact that we- like our smaller counterparts- are ignorant even downright stupid, in desperate need of someone to lead us. And though I agree we are in desperate need of a kind and
loving Savior to save and guide us.... I think there's more to the story- much more.
The other day as I was preparing dinner, I caught a glimpse of a children's program one of my sons was watching. It was through that show that God began to stir my heart about this whole 'sheep' thing. On the show, a group of children were learning how to herd sheep. The modern-day shepherd was teaching the kids how to approach. The kids had been running toward the animals in an effort to corral them. He explained that sheep are hunted prey and that their natural instinct is to run from anything coming at them. He showed the group that a good shepherd always approaches from behind. He also began to teach the boys and girls about what the candy-cane shaped staff is used for. He explained that
the staff is not for hitting the sheep when they aren't cooperating. He said a shepherd would never do that to his herd. He explained that the staff is used as a pointer- to gently show the sheep the direction in which He is going so they can follow. He added that a shepherd does not raise his voice as that would also cause instinct to creep-in.
So my brain and my spirit began to go into high-gear. Here's the main analogy I saw unfolding before my very eyes: God compares us to sheep so many times because of His love. Our lover again is making it clear that He is there watching over us, leading and guiding us not because we're stupid but because He loves us. And He wants to protect us. As Christians we are hunted prey. The Book of Ephesians makes it clear that we are in a war not of this earthly realm. It's also our natural, self-preserving, sometimes fleshly response that prompts us too to run from potential spiritual harm. That's when our Lover and Lord gently comes behind us and in a soft but reassuring voice reminds us of where He's going and where we should also go to find rest, nourishment and safety. And when we veer off the beaten path, getting a bit too close to crossing the dangerous line of sinful living- He again slips behind us. And when He lifts up His staff, we don't have to cower down in fear, believing He's going to give us that lashing we clearly deserve. Rather, we can run toward our fellow lambs who are scurrying in the right direction.
It was several years ago when I found myself alone, in a heap on the floor, locked in my bedroom bathroom. I was crying out to God in desperation, asking Him to please see me, please hear me, please help me. It was that very minute that my Loving Shepherd pointed me in the direction of this beautiful Scripture verse: "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, 'This is the way; walk in it." (Is. 30:21) It's also the moment I felt Him steer me from behind to safety with this verse from Isaiah: "He tends His flock like a Shepherd: He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart..." (40:11a)
No matter where you are, you ARE close to His heart and He longs to lead you to rest, nourishment and safety. And Unlike what many of us have been repeatedly told- maybe we're not compared to sheep in the Bible primarily because of stupidity. Maybe- just maybe- it's because of Jesus' whole life mission and purpose- LOVE.
(All rights reserved)
First Time Blogger
I am so excited to FINALLY be doing a blog. A friend told me nearly 3 years ago to begin this. I am looking forward to the ability to express my self in writing. (And it's so much quicker than traditional writing in a journal!)
I've been going through one of the most difficult times in my life... separation from a very emotionally, spiritually, and at times physically abusive narcissistic, controlling, paranoid husband with culturally different ideas. I have been in therapy for several months now and the healing is amazing. God has finally allowed me to see the whole picture of what things have been and how they should be. I am so thankful for God rescuing me from the deepest and darkest depths of despair.
I was dying- emotionally. Mentally... I felt I was losing my mind. And my children... well they endured all of it for years. A couple of nights ago, at a dedicatory service for a new church building, one of the pastors from The Adventure Church in Draper said something that rang so true to me. It was if I heard the Lord say to me, "Listen up!... This is you."
The pastor was referring to one of my favorite characters- Hadassah/Esther. He was talking about how she had gone through the beautification process and was now queen. She began to just sit, content in that position. That's when Mordecai came to her and said, "Hun... Cousin.... Get off your duff... now! Don't you know what's happening to your people? It's a dire, desperate situation that could lead to the death of a nation. What if God didn't put you here for just this time? To release our people from this fate?" "So...", the pastor went on explaining, "That queen approached the king and let him know what was going on. And she presented the plan of action that would save her people."
I felt the Holy Spirit again and I knew... "This is me!" Essentially, it's like... God has raised me up for such a time as this. I was not content but I was at a stand-still. I felt I had no other options. And I've gone to my husband and said.... "This is the evil that's happening and this is the plan." I'm going forth boldly and unashamedly. And I believe God is going to save MY PEOPLE, my children, me...even Roy, if he so chooses. I believe this is the cutting off of all that was trying to kill us off emotionally, spiritually, possibly even physically.
The added very coolness to all of this is... the way God validated me as He ALWAYS does. It's like God showed me I am a queen and I will be a queen. I deserve to be treated as royalty because I am a daughter of the King. I am HIS ambassador. I am worthy of honor and respect and I do have the authority to say, "ENOUGH!" It's a good thing. It's a powerful thing. Lives depend on me doing this 'thing'.
(All rights reserved)
I've been going through one of the most difficult times in my life... separation from a very emotionally, spiritually, and at times physically abusive narcissistic, controlling, paranoid husband with culturally different ideas. I have been in therapy for several months now and the healing is amazing. God has finally allowed me to see the whole picture of what things have been and how they should be. I am so thankful for God rescuing me from the deepest and darkest depths of despair.
I was dying- emotionally. Mentally... I felt I was losing my mind. And my children... well they endured all of it for years. A couple of nights ago, at a dedicatory service for a new church building, one of the pastors from The Adventure Church in Draper said something that rang so true to me. It was if I heard the Lord say to me, "Listen up!... This is you."
The pastor was referring to one of my favorite characters- Hadassah/Esther. He was talking about how she had gone through the beautification process and was now queen. She began to just sit, content in that position. That's when Mordecai came to her and said, "Hun... Cousin.... Get off your duff... now! Don't you know what's happening to your people? It's a dire, desperate situation that could lead to the death of a nation. What if God didn't put you here for just this time? To release our people from this fate?" "So...", the pastor went on explaining, "That queen approached the king and let him know what was going on. And she presented the plan of action that would save her people."
I felt the Holy Spirit again and I knew... "This is me!" Essentially, it's like... God has raised me up for such a time as this. I was not content but I was at a stand-still. I felt I had no other options. And I've gone to my husband and said.... "This is the evil that's happening and this is the plan." I'm going forth boldly and unashamedly. And I believe God is going to save MY PEOPLE, my children, me...even Roy, if he so chooses. I believe this is the cutting off of all that was trying to kill us off emotionally, spiritually, possibly even physically.
The added very coolness to all of this is... the way God validated me as He ALWAYS does. It's like God showed me I am a queen and I will be a queen. I deserve to be treated as royalty because I am a daughter of the King. I am HIS ambassador. I am worthy of honor and respect and I do have the authority to say, "ENOUGH!" It's a good thing. It's a powerful thing. Lives depend on me doing this 'thing'.
(All rights reserved)
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